Vanity Fare

I have sat down to start this blog at least five times.

I’m a stay at home mom. I cook and craft and play with my sweet daughter. I am in love with my handsome, hardworking husband.

I have a wonderful life. Our trials are small and God has richly blessed us. There is so much love in our little family. When we lay on the rug and wrestle after dinner and Lucy is laughing and Brian and I are so in love- I feel so full of life and satisfaction.

Then I wake up the next morning. The long day stretches before us. The verse, “all is vanity and a chasing after the wind” comes to mind. Here we go again. The same thing we did yesterday. Mom has got to get it together.

I struggle with a feeling of inadequacy. I don’t bring home a paycheck. I can’t seem to host enough dinner parties or sew enough baby clothes. We don’t eat Bobby Flay inspired dinners each night, I can’t remember the last time I scrapbooked and I still haven’t written out Lucy’s birth story.

Which brings me to my point. I think a lot of moms feel this way. We’re always “Behind, behind, behind!” We Instagram pictures of our DIY dresser makeover and the Martha Stewart-esque cookies we decorated with our smiling children clothed in mini-Boden. “I mean, of course I always have a pedicure and I never wear my husband’s T-shirt to bed!” I fall victim as much as anyone else of posting the sunnier aspects of life and leaving out well…the not-so-cleaned-up reality.

The reality where we bleached our husband’s underwear so now they all have pink spots or when we just tried to sauté garlic and burnt it for the second time because the oil was too hot. And then we cried about it. The reality where we lost our temper, scrolled through Facebook during a conversation, didn’t make the bed. Didn’t, didn’t, didn’t. You won’t find me rushing to upload those snapshots.

All in all, I want to rejoice and glory in the wonderful aspects of my day. And there are many. Being a stay at home mom puts you front and center in one of the most joyful plays of life. I laugh a lot. Lucy brings tears of joy and pride to my eyes. But then I fall into the comparing game. “That mom seems to have it together. I mean, did you see the birthday cake she made? I don’t even know how to construct sugar creations like that!”

Yesterday I listened to a wonderful sermon by Ben Merkle titled Run with Endurance. I randomly picked it but it was exactly what I needed to hear. Hebrews 12:1-2 says, “…and let us run with perseverance the race marked out for us, ² fixing our eyes on Jesus, the pioneer and perfecter of faith...” God tell us to run the race marked out for US. Not to try to run the race of my friend or my mom or even my husband. I’m not very good at sewing so then I’m not very good at sewing. I can get better and I should try. But I should not be distracted by those whose gifts are maybe more suited at the sewing machine. I am running MY race. If it takes me three tries to sauté the garlic correctly then so be it.

And the second part of the verse also says that our eyes should be fixed on Jesus. I know my eyes often aren’t. I’m looking bug eyed at a beautiful garden I didn’t plant or a sweater I didn’t knit. There is so much to say on this topic. But when I need a simple reminder to get my eyes back on God I should think- Why are we on this Earth? “To glorify God and enjoy Him forever.” So I’m going to work on that. Maybe I’ll get to dinner later.

Here is a cake I made recently. Just to get started out on the right foot:)